This past summer I was in a semi-dark place emotionally. I felt like I was living a sort of double life. My husband and I have a house in Connecticut that we don’t want to sell because it’s now worth a lot less than what he bought it for back in 2005. Most of our friends and family live there and we feel slightly attached to our home state.
Also, we were renting a studio apartment in Miami, our other home and the place where we plan to eventually live full time. I love the building, love the neighborhood, but don’t love being a thirty-year-old married woman spending eight months out of the year in a single room apartment with her husband. It felt suffocating.
The problem was that it was not financially responsible to upgrade our apartment to a one bedroom while carrying the cost of the mortgage at home. We contemplated leasing our house out but ultimately decided we weren’t ready to give it up completely and the thought of moving our belongings was daunting.
All summer long I sat with this anxiety of going back to Miami. I had a feeling that staying in a tiny apartment wasn’t great for our relationship. I mentioned this to my husband and it only stressed him out, so I agreed that I would try to not mention it.
One night while out in New York City, I ended up finally saying this out loud to my lifelong friend Elissa. It was the first time that I’d actually vocalized my feelings about the situation.
It went something like this… “I feel like my life is a mess. I don’t want to live in two places anymore, going back and forth from Florida to Connecticut twice a year is draining. I feel like I’m living a double life and I can’t concentrate on my goals. When I’m in Miami I feel completely confined and I have no personal space, but ultimately I want to live in Miami and not Connecticut.”
I’ve found that saying things out loud is a powerful form of surrender. It was as if I was asking the universe (or god or whatever you want to call it) to help because I was out of options and felt helpless.
By the miracle, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer seemed to have fallen into my lap. It felt as if the universe gave me exactly the knowledge I needed in order to find inner peace with my situation.
There will always be situations in life that will bring up fearful thoughts, we will always have to deal with less than ideal situations, but we can still choose to have inner peace regardless.
I realized that every struggle, every fear, was a chance to practice surrender to the higher power.
Some amazing things began to happen when I decided to let go of the fear and replace it with faith.
We were able to rent our house out on Air Bnb with ideal long-term guests which would help cover some of our bills and didn’t have to worry about moving our personal items. That was a step in the right direction financially.
Fast forward a few months to November, we’re in our studio apartment and I’ve made peace with the fact that I may have to stick it out another year in the studio. I wasn’t willing to give up our location and my beloved building and nothing else felt right for me.
I was still dreaming of a one-bed but had let go of my attachment to it.
And one day I randomly happened to take a look at what was available in our building, It couldn’t hurt, right?
I was shocked to find 1-beds were going for significantly less than they had been previously. Only about $15o a month more than what we were paying for the studio. So, the following day we made an appointment with the leasing office and asked about our options.
Miraculously we were able to look at apartments and locked in the low rate immediately. We were able to move in a week later and are fully enjoying our new space.
It feels like a miracle. And it felt meant to be, not forced, or rushed.
The craziest thing is that all of the apartment rates went back up within 24-hours of locking it in. I couldn’t believe I had nailed the timing perfectly.
And because this story reminds of it, I’ll end with one of my favorite quotes from one of my all-time favorite stories…
“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” -Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist